Lord, 

Help me to seek your will for my child's life. Help me to discern what's best for him, and act as his protector and champion. Lord, help me to accept his shortcomings. Help me to understand that Your plan is better than mine... even when it hurts. Lord, help me to be patient and cooperative with the other people who come in and out of his life, whether permanently or temporarily. Help me to trust you, Lord, because you know I struggle with this. How silly of me! Why would I struggle with trusting you, when you've NEVER, no, not EVER, failed me?!! Help me to rest in the promise that you hold us in your hand and you will care for us. Help me to be strong and brave and keep it together. Amen. 

Obviously, I have a heavy heart today. I suppose I should catch you up. 

-Expecting Baby BOY Thompson 2.0 on February 27th, 2012. Everything is going well with this pregnancy, although it has been very different than when I was carrying Porter. Baby is healthy, and we are very excited about his arrival. He doesn't have a name just yet, but we're working on it. After a miscarriage earlier this year, and a rough few months, we are so overjoyed and thankful that God has once again blessed us with a new bundle of joy and can't wait to meet him! 

-I've officially been working at the Chamber of Commerce for a year now. It's been a wild and crazy ride so far, but I feel like we've accomplished so much in this year, and it can only keep getting better. Year #2 should be interesting, with the arrival of 2.0 and even more challenges and adventures on the horizon, but I can't wait to see what's in store. 

-Brad has completed all of the school and clinicals for his paramedic certification, and this has been a major feat for the Thompson household. Not only has it put a financial strain on us with him driving to Texarkana four times a week, and having to pay a babysitter when he'd typically watch Porter, but it has completely turned our schedule and routine upside down. So, the only thing that he has left is his tests, and all prayers are appreciated in this area. I'm so proud of everything he's accomplished so far, and him receiving his official license will only be the icing on the cake. I do love cake. 

So, I think that catches you all up. We went in for Porter's annual check up yesterday, and in the process of talking to our pediatrician it was decided to have him tested for speech/language delays. I have known for a while that this was a possibility, but somehow it is a whole new ball game when you actually begin the process. 

My pediatrician recommended that we start with the school district that we live in, so I made that call this morning and it kicked off a roller coaster of emotions, hard conversations and a general uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach. 

Honestly, I am okay with Porter possibly needing speech therapy. I do not mind admitting that he may need some extra help mastering language and I recognize that his conversational skills are not as honed as I would prefer. I am not, however, okay with the feeling that he could be labelled as "special needs" from here on out based on an assessment of him at age 3. 

Brad and I made a conscious decision to keep him at home and not send him to school at age 2. We made this decision with the belief that it was what would be best for Porter. We wanted to keep him little. We wanted to let him sleep in, wear his pajamas, play all day, and spend as much time with Dad and Mom as possible. I am still convicted that we made the right decision. However, I realize that this decision is probably what has led us to asking questions about his speech development. I'm just not comfortable with all of the sudden expecting him to know so many objectives when I'm not sure that we've done our job teaching him those things. We've tried to keep him little for so long, and now, because he is 3 years and one month old, we expect him to be grown and talk like an adult. I'm not sure that's fair. 

I just keep thinking, "He's three. He didn't do anything wrong. He doesn't deserve to have all these expectations on him." In the bottom of my stomach, I feel like I have an obligation to be realistic about his development, vigilant in preparing him for a formal education, but I also want to protect him for as long as possible from the labels that society and the public education system may have for him. I can't imagine that I'm alone in this train of thought. 

So, after talking to the school district all morning, I called my pediatrician back and asked for a referral to a private therapist. We're going to have him tested in a private clinic setting and go from there. I feel much better about this path and am hopeful that we can have Porter carrying on intelligent and entertaining conversation so soon. Please help me pray for wisdom and peace about our decisions. I am already so thankful that God led me to call back and ask for the private referral. I feel so much better already.