If I could accurately put into words what I'm feeling about Porter and public school, I would have done it weeks ago. Y'all know me. But the truth is, that, for once in my life, I'm at a loss for words. With that being said, and we all know this is more for my therapy than it is for my readers' benefits, I've got to say a few things.
There, I said. it. Me, the lifelong learner. The perpetual student and now happenstance professor, is admitting that school is absolutely terrible. Like, Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day... every day.
Porter wasn't built for school. He wasn't built to stay in one room, in one chair, in one painter's tape square on the floor for six hours a day. He wasn't created for this. He doesn't do lines well. He can't wait his turn. He literally is unable to be perfectly still, no matter how enthralled he is in whatever he's supposed to be doing. The only time he's still is when he sleeps, and even then he's the ugliest, cover stealing, snotty and drooling bed partner you've ever seen.
Porter was created to run, and laugh uncontrollably, and nap in the middle of the day. We nap, y'all. If you've ever heard his infectious, pure and unadulterated giggle, you know what I mean. He is the closest thing to innocence I've ever met. He was created to hug people with abandon, and lay on someone's shoulder, and wiggle to his heart's content. He was created for experiences. For making connections with people. He was created to WORSHIP his Jesus.
Now, let me stop for a minute and make something painfully clear. I've got to say that his teacher and the employees at JKH Elementary are the best. They love this kid. They help him, are patient with him, work with him. They try their hardest to teach a kid who, by all means, is pretty near unteachable. So, it's no fault of the blessed and selfless angels who are working with him that we are struggling. THEY are the only reason I haven't fully lost it and ended up in a straight jacket playing checkers with some other poor mom who can't.... AH. Breathe.
I could go on and on about the trouble we're having. I could explain the behavior issues, the potty issues, the learning issues... but let it suffice to say that we're finding this transition to public school to be the most challenging thing we've ever faced as a family. EVER FACED AS A FAMILY. I know we're not alone, but something HAS GOT to give.
So friends, if you love us, PRAY. Pray that Porter will get it together. Pray this his mommy and daddy will be able to respond appropriately, stress out less, and love Porter as much as he loves others. Pray that we can all adjust to public school and settle in for the next very long, very excruciating thirteen years. Pray for his sweet teachers and friends at school, that they will be patient and understanding as Porter finds his place at school. Pray that something will change. God can change this situation. He can fix it, and He will.
This is my prayer:
God, you gave us Porter because we were the best parents for him. I am awed and humbled by this very gift. I am so, so beyond thankful that Porter is mine. I love him more than I knew I could love, God, and I am so grateful that you chose us. Please God, I need you now more than I've ever needed you before. I know that you gave me Porter because I was prideful about intelligence and academia, God, and I'm so sorry that I took these blessings for granted. I'm sorry, and I know you have a supreme plan for Porter's life, and mine. God, you are perfect and flawless and we need you now. Please fix it, Lord.